A week later and I'm still finding it a little hard to adjust.
Sure, I knew this life like the back of my hand, but that was before I immersed
myself in and made an effort to be part of another life, culture, and language
for half of a year. I'm not being hit with reverse culture shock as much as I
am with having to change worlds so suddenly again... for the third time within
two years. I'm not complaining. I wouldn't want to change a thing in my life.
But I will admit it can be a lot to deal with, but I do love adventure and one
can't really have a great, insightful experience without making or accepting
changes that may be weird and/or uncomfortable in some ways.
However, to venture back to The States to
start this transition back, I had to endure a very long day and a half of
travel. I only had two and a half hours of sleep before my alarm went off at
4:45 a.m. The braids in my hair had stayed together so I was happy I didn't
have to further deal with my now long hair. My host family seemed sadder than I
was throughout the car ride and even at the goodbyes just before my train
pulled away. I honestly thought that I would have cried. "I'll probably
cry on the plane or when I see my real family," I innocently thought to
myself as I settled in my seat. I didn't stay there for very long because Saku
and Eliza were on that train as well, so for a little while we all found seats
together and took a few last selfies and had a nice, light hearted conversation
about what we will miss about France and what we've missed in our home towns.
After a while we became tired so we retired back to our original seats (all in
different cars of the train), so once I got back, I pulled out my bible,
blocking out the noise of the loud family near me, I started catching up on my
daily readings.
The airport was a blur of goodbyes and
trying to find the right way to go. Thank goodness I had someone from WEP to
help me. When it came time to leave Eliza and Saku, I got a lump in my throat
when I hugged Saku. I then made my way through security and to my gate with
enough time to buy a coffee and an apple and enjoy my coffee all before they
called my boarding group. Stepping on the plane I wasn't feeling as tired as I
was anticipating my arrival back to the States. I was feeling good about how
nice this plane was compared to the one I had to ride on my way here all those
six months ago. There was at least five more inches of leg space, a TV with a
nice selection of free movies (I watched Birdman and The Imitation Game) and
the flight attendant even gave me a some free snacks because I was sitting next
to this really nice college student who was a family friend of hers. My seat
partner, Caitlyn, was in Italy for a month long study abroad program. We talked
about our experiences and our summer and what we want to do with our lives.
Even though we only talked probably a total of one hour of that nine hour
flight, it was nice to be able to have a conversation with a total stranger.
The next day of traveling would prove that the world is full of strangers not
just willing, but actually wanting to have a conversation with another total
stranger. Forcing me to realize that the world is full of beautiful people.
My next five hours at the Charlotte
airport were full of phone calls, remembering the drinking age is twenty-one,
rocking in a rocking chair and wishing more of the world loved oatmeal raisin
cookies the way I do. Those five hours went by fast considering how eager I was
to get home. During my next flight, I talked to a senior in high school named
Bryce. We talked the whole flight! He was very a very nice and funny guy; he
even gave me a National Geographic magazine! I didn't have any time to read after
the flight because I had no time to waste in getting to my next gate. Looking
at the time, it was eleven minutes till departure, one minute to spare before
the gates were to be closed. Or so I thought... When I arrived at the gate, it
was already closed! They opened the gate for a mother and her baby and I tried
to follow her but the desk lady told me that they had already given my ticket
away! I mean, I know I was cutting it close but I still was supposed to have
one minute right? Plus, the gate was already closed when I got there and there
was another family that missed it too. I was a little confused but very
frustrated and angry. It was the last flight to Denver from that airport in
Dallas that night so therefore, that meant I had to spend my first night back
in the States alone in a cheap hotel room (so generously given by American
Airlines). After a very calm and collected twenty six hours of traveling, I
(not very proudly) snapped. I was clearly letting the lady who closed the gate
early know how angry and disappointed I was to not be able to sleep in my own
bed with my own dog nearby and to wake up to a family breakfast. I also didn't
expect my first tears of the journey home to commence because I wasn't going to
be home when I really wanted to. I didn't really have much of a choice so I
took the (already paid for) taxi to the hotel and slept for about four or five
hours. Thanks jet lag.. Anyways, I took the shuttle to the airport at 5:30 the
next morning and again, made a few new 'five minute friends' who I didn't see
after I got through security. After buying myself a coffee and a muffin with my
voucher ticket, I sat at my gate, called my dad, and waited for my boarding
group to be called. The flight was pleasant with some light conversation with the
people sitting next to me.
I don't think my footsteps have ever felt
so light. Speed walking through the airport to the shuttle that will take me to
my family. I noticed this father and his son, noticing me and probably
wondering why this teen girl is in such a jittery rush. I also noticed those
same two notice me when I ran to my family who was holding a "Welcome
Home" sign and gave me teary eyed bear hugs. Denver said it's welcome to
me with beautiful weather. Warm with clear skies. It was a day of being with my
family and unpacking the last six months of my life.
The first week back was full of visiting
friends and taking narcotics due to the fact that my last two wisdom teeth were
extracted only two days after my arrival home. I'm not going to lie; it was
really hard having to sit around and not be able to do anything for even a few
days. I just wanted to get out because it was beautiful weather or I wanted to
clean or work on a personal project but couldn't because of the drugs. Thank
goodness that's over. The Fourth of July happened during my first week back as
well. I was happy because this day reminded me how great this country is. It
was also a wonderful feeling chowing down on a corn dog again, or at least
munching on it best I could with my still swollen jaw. I had a LOT of different
feeling that I guess come along with re-adjusting being home. It was a weird
feeling to be at a party, meet a bunch of new people and not kiss them all on
the cheek. It's a discommoding feeling to grab lunch with the guy I formerly
loved and a sad feeling to know that the last time I was here, I loved him. It
is a funny feeling being able to be more aware of everyday, American culture.
Things like our refrigerators, and how all the houses are so big and the interior
design in houses. I'm also more aware of just how BIG America is! It's almost
hard to fathom, but I love this country and being away from it for so long has
planted a seed in me. A seed that, as it sprouts, will give me a want and need
to travel and explore my own country. There is so much to see just in my own
backyard if you will! There are so many breathtaking views and intimidating
cities to visit. I'm already making a list of the ones I want to go to. Since
this adventure has come to a close, it's only natural that I have my next one
in mind, right?
Truth be told, this post has been re-typed
and put off, but tomorrow I am going to California to be a part of SSP (the
mission trip with my church) and to visit my childhood friends for a total of
two weeks so it is now or probably never. Here's where I get to the deep
emotions; These past six months have taught me that I can survive on my own
even though I'm a sensitive individual and that I can also be my own best
friend. But about a week after coming back, I had a breakdown. The farther the
days are getting away from my life in France, the closer they are getting to my
real life and the stress of being back and having to do so much to get ready
for college apps was almost too much. But after talking through it with friends
who understand and loved ones, I realized that some people in this world may
have it "easy" but they may not have the motivation to better oneself
in even the personal aspects of their lives. I've been noticing how the past
six months have shaped me to be the person I am right now. I am now wanting to
and currently working on bettering my study habits for tests, read harder and
more often, try my hand at writing a novel, apply for scholarships, be the best
friend I can be to my friends who have given me more than they know, be the
best follower of Christ I can be and also be the best sister and daughter I can
be (but also keeping in mind that I am not and will not be perfect and that
it's okay and that it's human to make mistakes). It scares me that maybe this
mentality of wanting to work hard to accepted in my dream college to make my
family proud may have come too late in my highschool career in order to achieve
my college dreams. I'm praying it not to be true, but the facts aren't exactly
pointing in my favor. However, much more importantly, God has a plan for me. It
may not be what I want but it will be what I need in the end and I'm not
perfect so I don't remember this all the time, but a very insightful and
cherished friend told me to always remember,"worry is what you do when you
don't trust God."
With doing my best to always keep that in
mind, I'm going to take the insight, knowledge and skills that only my semester
in France could have given me through senior year, college and wherever life
leads me after that! With this new understanding of how wonderful the world is
and if you just use the able mind and body to the best of your abilities and
not compare your weaknesses to others strengths, but to focus on your strengths
and how you can get ahead in this life using those, you may just live a more
satisfying life. I am borderline terrified to apply for college and to start
the "real world" but at the same time I trust my life will unfold in
my favor and also, I feel ready and able to help make that happen. For the
first time in my life I'm ready to live my life; even with the hard times
because if God has shown me anything, it's that there will in fact be very hard
and stressful times in my life but He has also shown me I can have the strength
to persevere also with the help of the people he has put in my life, and maybe
more importantly, that good times will follow any hardships.
I wish upon everyone reading this with the
mentality I currently have about life and the eagerness to live it to the best
way we are able to. I hope I was able to bring you all along on this journey
well enough to spread the mentality that it all really IS all going to be okay
if you truly allow yourself to believe it. It was okay at some point, it's up to
you to believe and work for it to be okay again.
With much love and many thanks to everyone
in America (and who was with me in France) I sign off, ending this adventure
and taking the memories and knowledge with me from here on out. I know it was
just me in France during this past semester, but it was really thanks to the
people who supported me and stuck with me thought the distance and time. Je
vous aime tellement.
