Getting a feel for the culture

I now finally feel as though I am living the true French life! I’m speaking French (very horribly but just give me a few more months), eating bread (gaining weight…) and shopping! Last night I went on a really fun shopping adventure with my friend from Finland, Joel. I got a really cute pair of shoes and 2 big, warm scarves! Both scarves were under 10 euros so I was very happy about that. Joel, however, bought 2 big bags worth of clothes but for a very good price! I'm pretty sure that this is the last weekend for the really good sales so I'm happy I took advantage of that. Also, this week at school I ate at the different cafeteria which gets a really bad rap because it is healthy food and is “gross”. I loved it though! You got to choose out of 4 different main plates and they were all hot and (what seemed to be) the equivalent of a home cooked meal! It’s still all good but my fellow classmates seem to greatly underestimate the greatness of having healthy, hot food given to you at school for lunch. I'll post pictures of both lunches on my shutterfly. The healthy cafeteria food is the one with a biscuit and gravy with well, more healthy looking food (you'll most likely be able to spot the difference) Oh and the food at that cafeteria is served with real forks and knives on real, breakable plates! The napkins and uneaten food are the only things that you throw away. That’s one thing about the French culture I really like. They do not waste much at all. At my house we use cloth napkins every meal and all the leftovers are eaten for a snack or on Thursdays for dinner. Also the use of paper towels is very little and everything besides towels is hung dry. And at any store you go to, once you buy your things you either put it in your own purse or bag or shopping bags you brought from home! And grocery shopping at my house is only done once a week (Saturdays). You can ask for plastic bags at the stores, but unless you ask it’s up to you to carry everything somehow. Living this less wasteful way really isn't any harder. It doesn't take up anymore time; it produces a heck of a lot less trash, and it makes me feel better (coming from just taking a semester of AP environmental science) that I'm not throwing away paper all the time and what there is to recycle, is recycled. Mrs. Shwendy would be so proud! To go off more of the environmental benefits of the French culture, my family also only has one car and even though it’s old and probably doesn’t get great gas mileage, they only fill it up about every two weeks because we do a lot of walking and bus taking! However, I kind of think that of all the smoking that is done my so many adults and almost teens would be the equivalent as if they were all driving cars. There are Pros and Cons to every culture, I guess. I wonder if in twenty or thirty years that the percent of teenage smoking will go down in France.  I also wonder if it is just their science classes not teaching them the actual scary science of what smoke does to your lungs. I know my freshman year health class defiantly scared me enough that I try to hold my breath when someone blows out their smoke near me. Maybe when I come home in six months I'll be able to be a swimmer and hold my breath forever haha. Yeah, as you may be able to tell, all the smoking is a big culture shock for me! Again with the Pros and Cons. Now that I'm getting a feel for the culture all I have to do is learn the language! I can tell that I can already understand way more than when I first arrived, but I feel like I need to read and speak more. As most new exchange students I have unfortunately been a bit of a hermit in my room. I'm not wasting my time because I am reading or writing (which I found out I really enjoy doing!) or even trying to do some homework. However, I am not using my time wisely. I have been reading the free newspaper that is given out at the bus stops and I will try and translate that and later today I'm going to watch a French movie “LOL” with my host sister. There is an American version with Miley Cyrus but the French think that it is totally awful and a disgrace, in which I completely agree with them. I’m looking forward to seeing the real version. So far I'm going to have a pretty chill weekend. Then I will have four days of school and then a two week break! Yay! 

The Roller Coaster Comes with the Ticket

I thought my first week was a crazy emotional roller coaster. I was wrong. Monday and Tuesday of week two, I was really enjoying my time here and was not crying or homesick! That's how I was most all of Wednesday as well until I got into bed. This is the most dangerous time for feeling homesick or missing people, also when you have a dream about them and you wake up wishing that dream was your reality, because not so long ago it was your reality (that's a way I never thought homesickness would get me). Or actually just any time you happen to be alone with your thoughts for too long. Anyways, I got frustrated because I felt as though I wasn't hearing back from the people I missed as much as I thought I should be hearing back from them (didn't make a schedule with them so that's my own fault). Then after another crappy night’s sleep, I woke up and pretty much couldn't stop crying at school. It was extremely hard to explain how I was feeling at the time but basically I wasn't necessarily homesick, I just couldn't focus on anything else besides getting home and skyping my parents and boyfriend. Here’s the thing: I have moved from my home (which I loved and had a great life in) two times in a year and a half. I know the difference between feeling homesick and missing my people from home. My mom helped me put it into words, “There’s a difference between clinging and cherishing.” I just needed, that day, to be able to cherish my loved ones so far. I needed to see their faces. I also needed them to know that this adventure is not me on a vacation. It’s me thousands of miles away from my home (again) and it’s me having to be a new girl in a new school where I know no one (again) but this time it’s even harder because I don't even have my own mom to hug when I get frustrated and tired of not being able to communicate to my teachers and classmates or even with my new friends and host family. And it's difficult because sometimes 5 months will feel like they will fly by and at other times it feels like the end is no where in sight and I have little to look forward to. Everything is new, and that is the Grand Adventure but it is also scary as hell and an uphill battle. Just because I decided to go doesn't make not very hard for me. It’s very easy in the hard moments to totally forget why I decided to leave my friends and family.

But never fear the upside is here (to remind me why I purchased the tickets to this pain)! Because it isn't just pain, there more than one would hope for at first, but here is what reminds me why this adventure is worth it: I am not visiting France, I am LIVING in France. This will look great on college apps. I’m going to be able to tell these stories to my friends, family, and even future kids someday! I am learning a language I've always wanted to and see myself improving and remembering new words all the time. I have little achievements every day and week to look forward to (i.e. realizing I said a whole sentence right and making new friends). I have amazing friends here to give me a hug when I need it. The long and fun shopping adventures in downtown Rennes with new friends (did that yesterday). My host family is so great in so many ways. My teachers are crazy nice and understanding (with the exceptional one or two). I have the best support system back at home in the States. The food, even at my school, is to die for! And last but not least at all, I remember that I came on this journey for me. No one else told me that this is something I needed to do to feel fulfilled in life or that I needed to do something out of my comfort zone. I told myself that I needed to prove to myself that if I wanted something I would go to great lengths and emotional tolls to get it (i.e. having to leaving those I love and trust they'll still be there when I get back). I want to meet new people and learn a new culture and language. And it must be reminded that even though there are bad times, the good times are there to get you though.

Lot's of Ups and Downs

First week in my new life is complete! It went by really slowly but that's normal according to the other exchange kids at my school. There are quite a few other exchange kids and only two in my class and one leaves in a month so that's kinda a bummer and my two other exchange friends in the class above me leave next week so that's even more of a bummer. I still have one good exchange friend. His name is Saku and he is from Japan. He's in my class. Here, I am in year 2nd 5 which is the equivalent to being a sophomore. So I've already learned most of the material, I now just have to learn the language! Besides me not being able to understand 90% of what the teachers are talking about, I actually don't hate my school. I think it used to be an old monastery or something because it's old and has stain glass windows and religious things here and there on the roofs and what not. The class schedule is very difficult to memorize. We don't have period 1 then period 2.. we just have classes scattered during the week. I can't seem to find a pattern either. And I only have my art class once a week and PE for over 2 hours on Fridays. Also, guess what! The teachers don't even have their own classroom! I have math in one room one day and then every other day it's in a different room across campus! I don't understand how that is more efficient but oh well the campus is not very large at all. At least the teachers for the classes stay the same, and my classmates stay the same because in my whole grade there are twenty students. so the class sizes are very manageable. With my class I got very lucky because (unlike the class above me) I haven't talked to one classmate who hasn't been open or hasn't not tried to talk to me just because of the language barrier. I even made a few friends I went shopping with after school and we bought cookies! I got a chocolate orange cookie. Wasn't the best and it wasn't the worst, I'm glad I tried it because I am here in a new culture and I'll be damned if I don't take every opportunity to try something new, even if it is just a cookie. There are exceptions to my "try new things" rule. Smoking for instance. You know how people say everyone smokes in France? Well, that really is not far off from the truth! At my school I have not met one student that doesn't smoke on the daily. However, God is good and there are 6 people I have become friends with who don't smoke and continuously ask me why I don't smoke or tell me to try it. They are my three exchange friends (who I mentioned that two of them were leaving next week) and the three girls I went to buy the cookies with. So there were definitely lows to my week but there were also some good highs :) I can't wait to explore the city of Rennes more, become better friends with the people I met this past week and of course improve my French skills. Even though I get really home sick I'm happy I'm here and I can't wait to see what these next 5 months will bring me.

First Day with Host Family

It's eight o'clock Sunday night. I've been with my host family for 26 hours now. It's hard to explain how I feel right now but I'll try my best. My host family is so open, understanding and nice. My host father, Stephan, is a great cook. It's weird though, eating so much. I'm definitely not used to a 3 to 4 course meal twice a day. I found out that I really am not a fan of eating dessert for 2 meals a day... or even one meal a day. I don't know how to say I'm full in french so I will have to figure that out because they are trying to be polite and even though I say no they will give me some more or if I only take one chip they will keep motioning toward the plate which frustrates me because I really am not one to eat a lot but I don't want to come across as rude. Anyway, today I met one of Faustine's (my host sister) friends. He spoke a fair amount of English which was really nice because when he and Faustine would talk about something he would do his best to include me and tell me what they were talking about. Also, while we were watching the news he explained best he could what was going on. Unfortunately I arrived in Paris 5 days ago when the terrorist attack happened so that was kinda scary with all the military walking around everywhere. But the whole WEP group had a fun, jet lagged, parisian time. We didn't do a lot of French speaking during those days so it really hit me what it was like to be around French constantly when I arrived here to my host family. I feel like a crop farmer but everyone around me is having a conversation about rocket science. It's horribly difficult but not impossible over time. I have hope for the far future, but the near future I feel like is going to have a lot of fears and tears to overcome. I miss getting a hug from my mom everyday. I miss having as much physical touch as I used to have, like hugging and linking arms with my friends. I also really miss my boyfriends hugs and I don't even care if it sounds stupid to those who are actually reading this because when you miss someone special so much it's like every part of you yearns for them and only them. Those of you who has left your significant other to cross half a content and and sea and know's you won't see them for six months will understand what I mean. It's scary the thought of not having them. But that also goes along with not having your friends and family with you every step of the way. It's like I'm on a wobbly stair case and no one is here to hold my hand. Which may seem like an awful and scary thing, and even though it is scary I know it is teaching me to be more independent and to better myself and that's a big part of the reason I even decided to make this journey in the first place. I start school tomorrow which I'm a little nervous about but at the same time I am just so tired all I can think of is snuggling up in my bed. Also before I forget I am posting pictures on https://mysemesterabroadinfrance.shutterfly.com/ if you want to see them :)

Leaving Tomorrow

The past few weeks, even the past few months, have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Some days I will be super confident and pumped and feel really great about myself being able to go on this adventure. Then, other days I will so down and cry and will be so scared that the most important people in my life will forget about me. Those bummer feelings never last long though. My friends and boyfriend have been so supportive and helped my through my anxiety and fears. 

But here I am the evening before my flight. Everything has been neatly packed in my suitcase and backpack and my friends are here to have dinner with me. I'm not really crazy excited or crazy sad. I'm more numb. I've gone through all the extreme emotions and so I'm at peace (with a little nerves) with how hard the first two months will be in a totally new world. I know I'll cry a lot when the goodbyes come but thanks to my first french teacher I had when I moved to Colorado my sophomore year, I've learned how okay it is to make mistakes as long as your skills are growing and also to have tenacity. I will have to remember to have that when things get stressful. Even lately, in my most stressful times I still think of how lucky I am to have this life changing experience that will make memories I will carry for the rest of my life. I also see it as proving it to myself that I can do this and take the leap to better myself in something that I am passionate about. I feel like experiences that scare you are more worth the try and effort verses if they didn't scare you. That's why it's called a leap because the chance of falling is there but landing victorious will be worth all the tears and fear. 

I am so excited to meet my fellow exchange students and my host family and tell my family and friends in america all about my experiences abroad. :)